Circle Complete

I should have seen it coming. The curve of the road came too sharp and I was driving too fast to get back home.

***

He smelled of something old, musty even. Like an old coat you pull from a long shut away chest. He had found me at a corner table in the bar.

I was shuffling a fresh deck of cards for the barkeep and trying to keep my thoughts from running wild by focusing on the Giants getting creamed by the Colts.

His well-manicured hand placed a cold beer in front of me. His ice blue eyes bored into mine and without hearing him ask, I gestured for him to have a seat across from me.

I dealt a few hands and we played in silence, our drinks untouched.

He stood, took my hand and led me out of the haze filled bar without saying a word. His ’55 Chevy looked questionable and when I made to offer my car he put his fingers on my lips and shook his head.

He drove me to a cabin up north, but we didn’t enter it. Instead he led me into the trees. Large pines surrounded us until we stepped into a small clearing; the only sounds were of water flowing over rocks in a stream bed just a short distance from where we stood.

I took a few steps forward, trying to take it all in.

His arms encircled me from behind and together we admired the beauty of God.

My breath quickened as he took a deep breath of my hair, his nose trailing down my ear and my skin tingled as his lips softly kissed my neck. His hands softly undressed me, not asking permission, but not demanding either. I turned to face him. My body longed for his as I undressed him as carefully as he had me. Our eyes never strayed from each other’s while he laid me on the grass and gave me a lesson of what love should really feel like.

We lay tangled smelling the fresh earth, pine, grass, fresh water and each other until the sun began to fall below the horizon. It was too fast! The colors touched my eyes with such intensity it was as though I was seeing the world through new eyes.

I cried with my new eyes. He gently kissed my tears then helped me to dress just as carefully as when he had undressed me.

We drove in silence back to the bar where my car had been left. He walked me to my car, kissed my forehead and our eyes seemed to say everything without our mouths whispering a word.

As months passed I felt a heavy weight descend on my shoulders. Without him I was broken. I tried to deny the truth of it all, but I needed him. I needed him like I needed bread and water. I knew I had to find him lest my soul should starve to death.

It was a Sunday when I decided to visit his retreat. I drove to the small cabin. It looked as though it had fallen into complete ruin over the last few months. I pulled up next to the ’55 Chevy and noticed that it was covered in rust, something I had overlooked before.

I carefully picked my way through the trees coming to the clearing. There was no one there. I walked the perimeter touching the bark of the pines lining the edge. I sat near the stream and picked up a handful of soft dirt. The overwhelming smells and sensations returned double fold. I could feel his arms around me again. A shock went through me as I could feel that deep breath of my hair and kiss on my neck. I turned to find him there, next to me.

His eyes seemed to search mine, as if looking for my soul.

Another silent conversation seemed to occur between us.

Why are you here?

I came back for you.

But you can’t have me!

Why not?

He took me to the edge of the stream and pointed to the other side. My eyes strained to see what was there. A small weathered headstone the shape of a cross protruded from the ground near the trees. Confused I looked back at him.

Why can’t I have you?

Sadness filled his eyes.

Because, I’m already dead.

His hands faded, he faded; only his voice rang in my head, my heart, my soul.

Go now and live your life as one of the living but know you’ve been touched by the dead.

The smell of rotting flesh overtook me and I gagged. I fled from the meadow to my car.

I should have seen it coming. The curve of the road came too sharp and I was driving too fast to get back home.

My retreat is now a cliff overhang where I take my lovers of the living.

Circle complete.